I Should've Told You
by TheChickenFangirl
Summary: Natasha's world was stripped away from her as Clint Barton, her partner and one true love were killed during a S.H.I.E.L.D. mission. Now she must put up with Bobbi Morse and the rest of the world as she forces herself to remain emotionless. The first installment in Goodbye series (not in any particular order).


Clintasha - I Should've Told You

Natasha POV

 _Nat,_

 _I wrote this letter so you would know the truth before I die. Our jobs are dangerous, we put our lives out on the line every week, in the place of the innocent. There is a high possibility of death, and if that comes, I wanted you to know._

 _I know I am currently dating Bobbi, and I might even be engaged to her. However, the love I have for her is fake, and I know it. I keep telling myself, lying to myself, trying to convince myself that I love Bobbi Morse. Why, you ask? Well, the women I love will never love me back, the love I have for this incredible, brave, beautiful girl is basically forbidden. I don't care what Bobbi thinks. You know, what fuck Bobbi, she's a bitch, I want you, Nat._

 _Yes, I, Clinton Francis Barton am madly in love with you, Natasha Romanoff, and I always have been. I've just been too afraid to ask. I wanted you to know if I go. I'm sorry for leaving, I sorry a million times, I just had to make sure you found out before I die._

 _I love you, Tasha,_

 _Clint_

I still remember it, clear as day. I remember the screams, the cries, and most of all his soft dying voice, telling me everything would be alright. But it wasn't. He was gone, the only person I ever let into my cold heart, and the last.

Now I stood in front of a full-length mirror, staring at my bony body, stuffed inside a floor-length sleeveless black dress. The dress he had always wanted to see me in, but I always refused. There was nothing left in this world for me.

The door creaked open, revealing Pepper in a simple black, spaghetti strap dress that ended around her knees.

"Oh Natasha," she said with sympathy, drawing me into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

I went stiff under the physical contact. There was only one person who ever dared to touch me. And that one person was gone. Gone, gone, gone. I refused to cry, the Black Widow never cried.

But Pepper was crying, she sniffed, softly urging me to move. "We should get going."

She dragged me by my arm all the way through the Avengers Tower, and into one of Tony's expensive cars. She sat me done and buckled me in like I was a child. The rest of the ride, I sat like a frozen zombie, staring straight ahead at the leather headrest in front of me.

When we arrived at the burial site, I steadily got out of the car, masking all my emotions. I held my head up high walking confidently towards my seat at the very front. Truth being, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry my eyes out, but I had a reputation to keep.

My seat was at the very front next to Bobbi Morse, or as I like to call her Bobbi the Bitch. The blonde is―was, Clint's fiance, and oh how much I hated her. She was always a complete bitch towards me. She was a sweet little angel when Clint was around, but once he had his back turned she would tease me, rub it in my face that Clint had chosen her. But she didn't know the truth, I did.

I held the crumpled letter in my right fist, biting my lip to keep from screaming as Bobbi spoke about her and Clint's "true love."

Bobbi wiped tears from her makeup covered face, "He was my lover, we had something that comes very rarely in our time, true love. We would do anything for each other. But now he's gone. We were going to get married," she lifted her left hand out to the audience, showing them the crystal engagement ring splattered on her finger. "It was going to be a beautiful beach wedding. We would've had children, raised a family, grown old together. But all that was ripped away from me," more tears came rushing down her face. "I loved him, and he loved me."

Everyone clapped, tears rushing down their faces, feeling sorry for one who had lost love. They didn't know how wrong they were.

Now it was my turn, still holding the letter in my hand, I walked calmly out of my seat. I cleared my throat, already fighting back tears. "I'm Natasha Romanoff, Clint's partner, and best friend. Clint―he was the most wonderful man I've ever met, he saved me from my own darkness with his crazy, idiotic humor, and wonderful smile. You probably know this, but I used to be a highly wanted assassin. I was a killer. Clint was sent to kill me, he made a different call. He spared my life, asked me to join S.H.I.E.L.D. Start over, build myself a new life. He was giving me a second chance. From there my life only went uphill, I had my hawk by my side. Now, I don't and I wish I could've told him one more thing."

I paused spotting Bobbi's evil smile, as she mouthed, "He never loved you."

A small smirk made its way on my lips, "What you don't know is as he was dying on the floor of an abandoned warehouse, he told me something I've always, unknowingly wanted to hear. He shoved a red envelope into my hands and whispered so faintly I could've sworn I dreamt it. He said four magical words, I, love, you, Natasha."

In the corner of my eyes, I saw Bobbi let out a faint gasp. This was my chance to finally get back at Bobbi, though I hoped it would happen under different circumstances. "Later that week, I finally built up the courage to read the letter. He wrote about how he wanted me to know the truth before he died. He told me that his love for Bobbi Morse was fake and that he's been trying to convince himself that he loved her because he claimed that the women he loved wouldn't want him. But Clint, I hope you're listening, because I want you too, and I love you to the moon and back, and I don't care that we are flawed in more ways than possible, because my love for you is not fake, and I wished we had more time."

Bobbi's face was red with anger. "And Bobbi, I quote Clint on this," I said evilly, holding up the letter, covering all other parts but one line, "I don't care what Bobbi thinks. You know what, fuck Bobbi, she's a bitch, I want you, Nat."

Bobbi was blowing up now, yelling, "Well fuck you, Natasha," before running away.

I got back on track, "You know Clint, sometimes you're a real idiot. If, you had just told me we could've had more time together. More time than tears and grief. Times filled with laughter, screams, and joy. I remember how before you started dating Bobbi, that I would wake up every night screaming from a nightmare. I would waddle over to your room and you let me in with open arms. We would spend the rest of the time talking and forcing some laughs in your nest of pillows and blankets. Right now, I would give anything, and everything for just more time with you," I said holding back tears of agony. "I love you, Clint, with all my heart."

I managed to not break down sobbing after finishing, but I walked down collapsing into my seat, sitting through the rest of the ceremony with dry eyes and a broken heart.

As everyone filled out I stood in front of Clint's smooth stone grave. It stated:

 _Clinton "Clint" Francis Barton_

 _1971-2002_

 _Hawkeye_

 _The Greatest Marksman_

 _Lover of Bobbi Morse_

A tiny portion of me laughed at the "lover of Bobbi Morse" part, but the rest of me was collapsing to my knees at the pure memory of my former partner. I wanted to cry, yet I was trained not to, I was a killer, agent, seductor, I'm supposed to feel nothing. Love is a liability, it can only kill. The moment you let your emotions get the better of you, that's the moment you or someone else dies. But here I am, the famous Black Widow, conflicted by feelings, crushed by love.

I hear Pepper's soft footsteps in the grass behind me. She approached the grave with a black Sharpie in hand. Without speaking, she carefully marked out Bobbi's name, replacing it with my own. She turned to me, tears in her eyes. "It's okay to cry Natasha, you're still human after all."

"He made me human," I replied softly. "And I never told him how much I loved him."

"He loved you too Natasha," Pepper said. "I could see it in his eyes, he wanted your love, he didn't think he earned it."

"I should've said something," I repeated, "I should've said something."

I cursed myself for me so damn oblivious to mine and Clint's feelings. Pepper wrapped her arms around me, sinking to the grass. That's when I finally broke down.

I sobbed into Pepper's soft cotton dress, crying out years of pain and hardship. I cried for Clint, cried for the life we could've had.

Pepper was rubbing confronting circles on my back, whispering words that were supposed to make me feel better. They didn't, they made me cry harder, knowing that it was supposed to be Clint comforting me. Clint laughing at my tears, but also caring for me, with concern in his gorgeous gray eyes.

It felt like hours before the tears stopped, and they didn't even stop. I still had tears flowing down my face as Pepper led me back to the car. Tony was at the wheel, and if he saw my tears he didn't say anything. He kept his eyes on the road as a cried silently in the back seat.

As the car screeched to a stop in front of the Avengers Tower, I climbed out of the car, wiping away the tears that kept coming and hurriedly walked into the elevator, and into my room. I kept my head down the whole way up, a portion of my mind was begging me to keep my reputation, even if I just lost my world.

I found myself walking into Clint's room, maybe I wanted him more than I thought. I collapsed onto his bed, taking in his wonderful scent, fresh air, lavender, and just a hint of sweat. I fell asleep dreaming about a life with Clint's love, one phrase repeating itself over and over again in my head. _I should've told you, I should've told you, I should've fucking told you how much I love you, Clint. I should've told you.  
_

 **A/N**

 **Why hello there.**

 **The is my first fic and I really enjoy Clintasha "Bobbi's a bitch" fics so decided to try it out and instead spit out a mess of words labeling them a "story" Hopefully I can add more fics (if I have time) to my empty account and maybe, just maybe they won't be as crappy as this. And who knows, I might turn this into a one-shot series of MCU characters morning over major character deaths, yay. Please excuse my language and any grammar/spelling mistakes, I do try my hardest to make sure no errors sneak their way into the final draft but I'm not perfect.**

 **That's it for now.**

 **-A Lonely Chicken**


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